Oh my GOD -- the SUN just fell into YANKEE STADIUM!!

Okay.. I'm going home to write the ``I HATE RUBIK's CUBE HANDBOOK FOR DEAD CAT LOVERS''..

OKAY!! Turn on the sound ONLY for TRYNEL CARPETING, FULLY-EQUIPPED R.V.'S and FLOATATION SYSTEMS!!

OMNIVERSAL AWARENESS?? Oh, YEH!! First you need 4 GALLONS of JELL-O and a BIG WRENCH!!... I think you drop th'WRENCH in the JELL-O as if it was a FLAVOR, or an INGREDIENT... ...or...I...um... WHERE'S the WASHING MACHINES?

Once, there was NO fun... This was before MENU planning, FASHION statements or NAUTILUS equipment... Then, in 1985.. FUN was completely encoded in this tiny MICROCHIP.. It contain 14,768 vaguely amusing SIT-COM pilots!! We had to wait FOUR BILLION years but we finally got JERRY LEWIS, MTV and a large selection of creme-filled snack cakes!

.. Once upon a time, four AMPHIBIOUS HOG CALLERS attacked a family of DEFENSELESS, SENSITIVE COIN COLLECTORS and brought DOWN their PROPERTY VALUES!!

.. One FISHWICH coming up!!

ONE: I will donate my entire ``BABY HUEY'' comic book collection to the downtown PLASMA CENTER.. TWO: I won't START a BAND called ``KHADAFY & THE HIT SQUAD''.. THREE: I won't ever TUMBLE DRY my FOX TERRIER again!!

On SECOND thought, maybe I'll heat up some BAKED BEANS and watch REGIS PHILBIN.. It's GREAT to be ALIVE!!

On the other hand, life can be an endless parade of TRANSSEXUAL QUILTING BEES aboard a cruise ship to DISNEYWORLD if only we let it!!

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