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#1 score: 1.760

Barry Commoner said "Nothing ever goes away." ... Whatever happened to that guy?

John Alejandro King, January 21, 2010

category: humor | comment | added 17 days ago

#2 score: 1.730

What time isn't it?

John Alejandro King, January 1, 2010

category: humor | comment | added 5 weeks ago

#3 score: 1.341

I came here to say that I do not recognize anyone's right to one minute of my life. Nor to any part of my energy. Nor to any achievement of mine. No matter who makes the claim, how large their number or how great their need. I wished to come here and say that I am a man who does not exist for others.

Howard Roark

category: literature (modern) | comment

#4 score: 1.043

In the 18th century, a revolution in thought, known as the Enlightenment, dragged us away from the superstition and brutality of the Middle Ages toward a modern age of science, reason and democracy. It changed everything. If it wasn't for the Enlightenment, you wouldn't be reading this right now. You'd be standing in a smock throwing turnips at a witch. Yes, the Enlightenment was one of the most significant developments since the wheel. Which is why we're trying to bollocks it all up.

Welcome to a dangerous new era - the Unlightenment - in which centuries of rational thought are overturned by idiots. Superstitious idiots. They're everywhere - reading horoscopes, buying homeopathic remedies, consulting psychics, babbling about "chakras" and "healing energies", praying to imaginary gods, and rejecting science in favour of soft-headed bunkum. But instead of slapping these people round the face till they behave like adults, we encourage them. We've got to respect their beliefs, apparently.

Charlie Brooker, The Guardian, Aug. 11, 2007

category: humor | 1 comment | added 29 months ago | Full article

#5 score: 0.991

Disney has installed hand sanitizers to combat swine flu. And I was thinking, “Disney — if you’re really serious about not spreading swine flu, get that Donald Duck to start wearing pants.”

Craig Ferguson, November 16, 2009

category: comedy | comment | added 11 weeks ago

#6 score: 0.976

Yoooouuuuu'rreee Irrelevant

Daffy Duck of Borg

category: cartoons | comment

#7 score: 0.973

Look in the chronicles; we came in with Richard Conqueror.

William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Taming of the Shrew
Induc. Sc. 1

category: literature (classic) | comment

#8 score: 0.937

Valeris: "I tried to tell you but you would not listen." Spock: "Neither of us was hearing very well that night, Lieutenant. There were things I tried to tell you, about having faith."

"STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8

category: scifi/fantasy/horror | comment

#9 score: 0.923

It was a little town--when I was a kid we used to play Monopoly on it.

Donna Jean Young

category: comedy | comment

#10 score: 0.923

It's such a little town our radio station can't identify itself. It's off the air now. Somebody tripped over the tower.

Donna Jean Young

category: comedy | comment

#11 score: 0.923

He owned the biggest brussels sprout farm in East McKeesport. Well, he didn't start out to have the biggest brussels sprout farm. It's just that his cabbages never made it.

Donna Jean Young

category: comedy | comment

#12 score: 0.920

Having always lived in fear of being suprised by the worst, I have tried in every circumstance to get a head start, flinging myself into misfortune long before it occurred.

E.M. Cioran

category: philosophy | comment

#13 score: 0.914

Thus spake the master Ninjei: "If your application does not run correctly, do not blame the operating system."

The Zen of Programming

category: computers | comment

#14 score: 0.914

A novice went into the master's cubicle and saw a new computer sitting upon the master's desk. "What is that computer?" asked the novice. The master placed his hand upon a small box that was connected to the computer by a wire. "Behold," said the master, "This device controls what we see on the screen. The screen simulates a desk. For example, here is a filing cabinet and a trash depository. Here also is a typewriter and a calculator." "This is a wonderful invention," whispered the novice in awe. "It is not as wonderful as it seems," said the master. "Can you see the two desks?" The novice nodded. "One is on the floor, the other is on the screen," he remarked. "Just so. Now, is there something missing on one of the two desks?" The novice pondered for a moment. "One of the desks does not have a computer on it," he said. The master shook his head. "Neither of the desks has a computer on it."

The Zen of Programming

category: computers | comment

#15 score: 0.914

A novice asked the master: "What is the true meaning of programming?"
The master replied: "Eat when you are hungry, sleep when you are fatigued, program when the moment is right."

The Zen of Programming

category: computers | comment

#16 score: 0.910

The late night wars are finally over. I'm kind of amazed I'm still here, too. Jay Leno said he's going to go on the Oprah Winfrey show and tell his side of the story. I never thought I'd say this, but watch your back, Oprah.

Craig Ferguson, January 25, 2010

category: comedy | comment | added 12 days ago

#17 score: 0.910

Andy Dick was arrested again this weekend. All I have to say is, “Your move, Mel Gibson.”

Craig Ferguson, January 25, 2010

category: comedy | comment | added 12 days ago

#18 score: 0.897

You can't shake hands with a clenched fist. Then again, you can't do the fist bump with an open hand either.

John Alejandro King, January 20, 2010

category: humor | comment | added 17 days ago

#19 score: 0.864

According to a new TV Guide poll, 83 percent of voters — 83 percent — want me to stay at 11:35. And here's the interesting part. When he heard this poll number, President Obama asked, 'How can I get NBC to screw me over?'

Conan O'Brien, January 13, 2010

category: comedy | comment | added 20 days ago

#20 score: 0.864

I've been having a hard time explaining this whole situation to my kids, because they're still very young. So I had a doll made of myself, and now I can show my kids exactly where NBC touched daddy.

Conan O'Brien, January 20, 2010

category: comedy | comment | added 17 days ago

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