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#1 score: 1.000

Top Ten Democratic National Convention Pickup Lines

10. Wanna form a more perfect union?
9. Something's rising and it's not the national debt
8. I'm stiffer than John Kerry
7. Let's go someplace and release our delegates
6. Care to join the wife and me for a little "bipartisanship?"
5. I'll make you scream like Howard Dean
4. Now that's what I call a stimulus package
3. I'm gonna Barack your world
2. Wanna pretend we're Republicans and have gay bathroom sex?
1. Hi, I'm John Edwards

David Letterman, August 27, 2008

video | category: comedy | comment | added 1 hour ago

#2 score: 0.859

It’s Fidel Castro’s birthday today. It’s Danny Bonaduce’s birthday too. Both very different, of course. One’s an aging tyrant that many consider to be the red menace that threatens America. And the other is Fidel Castro.

Craig Ferguson, August 13, 2008

category: comedy | comment | added 14 days ago

#3 score: 0.859

A Republican politician form Idaho has endorsed Barack Obama. The last time a Republican switched sides was in an airport men's room.

Craig Ferguson, August 13, 2008

category: comedy | comment | added 14 days ago

#4 score: 0.799

Secret 65021. The size of a mind is inversely proportional to the amount of indignation that will fit inside it.

John Alejandro King

category: humor | comment | added 20 days ago | from 'My War On Terror!'

#5 score: 0.754

God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of his own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players, to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.

Gaiman and Pratchett, Good Omens

category: scifi/fantasy/horror | comment

#6 score: 0.620

Readers usually grossly underestimate their own importance. If a reader cannot create a book along with the writer, the book will never come to life. Creative involvement: that's the difference between reading a book and watching TV.

In watching TV, we are passive--sponges; we do nothing. In reading, we must become creators, imagining the setting of the story, seeing the facial expressions, hearing the inflection of the voices. The author and the reader "know" each other; they meet on the bridge of words.

Madeleine L'Engle, Walking on Water: Reflections On Faith And Art

category: literature (modern) | comment | added 5 weeks ago

#7 score: 0.620

The very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common. Instead of altering their views to fit the facts, they alter the facts to fit their views...which can be very uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the facts that needs altering.

Doctor Who, "Face of Evil"

category: scifi/fantasy/horror | comment

#8 score: 0.589

Mere days from assuming the presidency and closing the door on eight years of Bill Clinton, president-elect George W. Bush assured the nation in a televised address Tuesday that "our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over."

"My fellow Americans," Bush said, "at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."

The Onion, January 17, 2001

category: satire | comment | added 14 months ago | Full article

#9 score: 0.549

The other day the plane that Barack Obama was on had some mechanical difficulties and was forced to land. Well, the National Transportation Safety Board did an inspection on the plane, and you know what they found? The bolts on the plane were fine, but apparently Jesse Jackson had taken some of the nuts off.

Jay Leno, July 11, 2008

category: comedy | comment | added 6 weeks ago

#10 score: 0.513

I went up to the salesgirl. I said, "I'd like to see something cheap in a man's suit." She said, "The mirror's on the left."

Jimmy Edmondson (Professor Backwards)

category: comedy | comment

#11 score: 0.450

I was in Connecticut to research a mystery novel set in 1969 (eventually published as the award-nominated War at Home, under my pen name Kris Nelscot). [...]

In my 1969 research, I learned a few things. Such as the fact that more than three thousand bombs blew up in the United States. Most were created by domestic terrorists, often college students associated with the SDS. So many bombs exploded that they weren't national news. They were local news. Like the riots, like the anti-war protests, the press couldn't keep up. A bomb going off in a department store, such as the one that went off at Goldblatt's in Chicago in April, didn't receive coverage outside of Illinois. Now a story like that would be front and center of every national newscast.

In 1969, there were thirty-seven aircraft hijackings, and that was just within the U.S. [...]

The upheaval and the divisions in this country in 1969 make what's going on in the world right now look like a respite.

Kristine Kathryn Rusch, "When the Whole World Looked Up", Asimov's Science Fiction, July 2008

category: scifi/fantasy/horror | comment | added 7 weeks ago

#12 score: 0.420

There is a rumour going around that I have found God. I think this is unlikely because I have enough difficulty finding my keys, and there is empirical evidence that *they* exist. [...]

So what shall I make of the voice that spoke to me recently as I was scuttling around getting ready for yet another spell on a chat-show sofa?

More accurately, it was a memory of a voice in my head, and it told me that everything was OK and things were happening as they should. For a moment, the world had felt at peace. Where did it come from?

Me, actually - the part of all of us that, in my case, caused me to stand in awe the first time I heard Thomas Tallis's Spem In Alium, and the elation I felt on a walk one day last February, when the light of the setting sun turned a ploughed field into shocking pink; I believe it's what Abraham felt on the mountain and Einstein did when it turned out that E=mc2.

It's that moment, that brief epiphany when the universe opens up and shows us something, and in that instant we get just a sense of an order greater than Heaven and, as yet at least, beyond the grasp of Stephen Hawking. It doesn't require worship, but, I think, rewards intelligence, observation and enquiring minds.

I don't think I've found God, but I may have seen where gods come from.

Terry Pratchett, The Daily Mail, June 21, 2008

category: scifi/fantasy/horror | comment | added 8 weeks ago | Full article

#13 score: 0.358

Oh beautiful, for smoggy skies, o'er insecticide waves of grain, and strip-mined mountain's majesty, above the asphalt plains! America, America, man sheds his waste on thee! And hides the pines, with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea!

George Carlin (?)

category: comedy | comment

#14 score: 0.358